Unfortunately. He accosted me in that rotten "meat orchard" I told you about.
[ By "accosted" Astarion means that he tried to manipulate Nandor in doing the heavy-lifting of apple picking for Astarion and Nandor subsequently took that as helpfully lifting Astarion to reach the high branches. Karlach knows how much Astarion dislikes surprise touch. ]
And later he interrupted me at dinner, begging for scraps.
[ And by that Astarion means--no, well, that's exactly what happened. Nandor was watching Astarion feed on a willing volunteer like a seagull eyeing cheetos. It was very strange and very awkward. ]
I can tell he's a true vampire, but he's the most incompetent vampire I've ever laid eyes on. Hells, Petras could run laps around him and I swear the man could barely count to five on one hand.
[ Ribbing one of his siblings feels good. ]
Oh, I don't know. I'm certainly not here to make friends with vampires.
Did you know there was a targeted attack on the clinic where you can get blood?
[ Astarion is, once again, an unreliable narrator. The blood was contaminated by accident, but Astarion took that personally. ]
He's a fool if he thinks gathering all the local vampires in one place is a good thing. Who knows who is waiting in the eaves?
( that's one hell of an answer. it takes a moment for karlach to digest all of this new information, especially that the guy who crafted this poster was a real and true vampire. it's kind of insane. astarion is just a spawn, but he carries himself with the same dignity that she'd assume a true vampire would.
there's no dignity on that poster. or apparently to this guy in general according to astarion's account of him.
karlach has never wanted to meet anyone so bad in her life. )
these are sounding like pretty good reasons to show up no way that isn't going to be a laugh
[ Nandor is the antithesis of everything Astarion has come to expect of true vampires. It should be a relief to know they aren't all playing as highly intelligent, conniving snobs--which, yes, he supposes he tries for that too--but it confuses him to how long Nandor has survived like this.
Unless this is a rouse and it's working for him? He's not sure he cares. ]
It will be...something. Yes.
I don't know, I don't feel like the man's that discerning. You could probably walk right in.
( the mental image of this makes her laugh. there's no way she wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb. if the dumb vampire didn't notice, another definitely would.
being big, red, and on fire weren't typical vampire characteristics. like really obviously weren't. surely astarion is just exaggerating. )
you know i always thought that other vampires like cannibalise each other if they're too weak?
I suppose if one lost their senses, they might. Or in some act of desperation.
But it's more economical to see if you can subjugate others, you see. Other vampires are either your direct competition or your slaves. Hells, two of them were advertising for HUMAN slaves on these things.
each message is funnier than the last. how was that supposed to work?
immediately she has an intrusive thought about astarion picking up victims at a shady tavern at night, promising them free chicken instead of whatever cloying words he must have used.
that only makes it funnier for her.
give her a moment before she can reply. )
damn! would have thought the masses would be all over that
it's enough to get me to consider signing up as a vampire slave.
( around the holidays, one morning, astarion can find a large wrapped box resting on the edge of his bed. the box is long and flat, but decorated with red and black ribbons.
inside the gift is a hefty faux-fur red mink blanket. there's a weight to it when lifted, the fabric thick and hefty. for those cold winter nights.
on top of the blanket is a small note. one that simply says "for fangs ♥". )
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sanguineus) wrote2025-08-06 09:12 am
no subject
it's a photograph of the vampiric council flyer stapled to a phone post. )
i always thought vampires were more classy than this. these are slapped up everywhere like a lost dog poster!
1/3
You're joking.
2/3
Gods it's that guy.
HIM?
He's ACTUALLY trying to organize something?
no subject
no subject
you know the guy already?
is he actually a vampire? or is he one of those weird poseurs?
did you guys have a hiss off?
( then most importantly: )
please tell me you're going to go
no subject
[ By "accosted" Astarion means that he tried to manipulate Nandor in doing the heavy-lifting of apple picking for Astarion and Nandor subsequently took that as helpfully lifting Astarion to reach the high branches. Karlach knows how much Astarion dislikes surprise touch. ]
And later he interrupted me at dinner, begging for scraps.
[ And by that Astarion means--no, well, that's exactly what happened. Nandor was watching Astarion feed on a willing volunteer like a seagull eyeing cheetos. It was very strange and very awkward. ]
I can tell he's a true vampire, but he's the most incompetent vampire I've ever laid eyes on. Hells, Petras could run laps around him and I swear the man could barely count to five on one hand.
[ Ribbing one of his siblings feels good. ]
Oh, I don't know. I'm certainly not here to make friends with vampires.
Did you know there was a targeted attack on the clinic where you can get blood?
[ Astarion is, once again, an unreliable narrator. The blood was contaminated by accident, but Astarion took that personally. ]
He's a fool if he thinks gathering all the local vampires in one place is a good thing. Who knows who is waiting in the eaves?
no subject
there's no dignity on that poster. or apparently to this guy in general according to astarion's account of him.
karlach has never wanted to meet anyone so bad in her life. )
these are sounding like pretty good reasons to show up
no way that isn't going to be a laugh
wish i could crash that party myself!
you gotta do it for me, fangs
no subject
Unless this is a rouse and it's working for him? He's not sure he cares. ]
It will be...something. Yes.
I don't know, I don't feel like the man's that discerning. You could probably walk right in.
no subject
being big, red, and on fire weren't typical vampire characteristics. like really obviously weren't. surely astarion is just exaggerating. )
you know
i always thought that other vampires like
cannibalise each other
if they're too weak?
no subject
But it's more economical to see if you can subjugate others, you see. Other vampires are either your direct competition or your slaves. Hells, two of them were advertising for HUMAN slaves on these things.
That was pretty funny, actually.
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that makes her laugh really hard. what the fuck. what a shame she missed out on seeing something like that!
okay, she's gotta know— )
how'd that go for them?
no subject
"FREE CHIKKEN" didn't quite have the appeal they had hoped.
no subject
each message is funnier than the last. how was that supposed to work?
immediately she has an intrusive thought about astarion picking up victims at a shady tavern at night, promising them free chicken instead of whatever cloying words he must have used.
that only makes it funnier for her.
give her a moment before she can reply. )
damn! would have thought the masses would be all over that
it's enough to get me to consider signing up as a vampire slave.
no subject
Oh I'm sure they would be delighted to have you.
Though please raise your standards, darling. You're better than that.
no subject
how come you never offered me free chikken?
no subject
Maybe a small one.
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team astarion all the way!
i'll earn the bigger boar.
no subject
( gift )
inside the gift is a hefty faux-fur red mink blanket. there's a weight to it when lifted, the fabric thick and hefty. for those cold winter nights.
on top of the blanket is a small note. one that simply says "for fangs ♥". )